When you point a finger to others, the tendency is that you are also pointing three other fingers to yourself. Yes, the victim mentality is as real as it can get. Many entrepreneurs and career-oriented individuals go into this trap in the hope of finding comfort for their mistakes and failures. In the end, however, this only keeps them embroiled in a rut leading to oblivion. It keeps them from correcting their mistakes or addressing their failures—a mindset that will create harrowing effects to entrepreneurs. So, how does one build confidence and get out from this turmoil?

As important as the struggle of getting out the victim mentality, it is essential to first know what such mindset entails. A person who has a victim mentality is someone who puts blames on others for whatever failures or mistakes or errors in judgment that happened in his or her world. It also holds true to individuals who simply put too much confidence on sheer luck or that they are bound to fail due to being unlucky. Like a curse, it allows them to believe that things are beyond their own control. Some people called this the “Pontius Pilate” syndrome wherein to absolve oneself from sins, she must wash her hands off from the responsibilities that go with it.

Victim mentality, however, can be deeply ingrained on other people’s habits and way of life. When things take a downturn or when a business or career does not go as planned, they sometimes resign to the idea that it is their fate to be that way. They sadly become captive to their own limiting beliefs. Many of those who continually use the victim mentality card came from tumultuous childhood. They grow up surrounded by failure, abuse or being discouraged. This somehow leads them to lay blame on other people and the very circumstances they are in, leaving a way out for themselves.

Sadly, such mindset can lead to relationship problems, work issues, and recurring failure in business. The more a person gets too deep into this way of thinking, the more she will cement the thought of not being able to take control of her life. It allows her an easy way out hence, keeping her from living the truth or change her circumstances, and worst, continue living in such a destructive pattern which continually prevents her from reaching for the best opportunities and possibilities.

While it may be hard to correct victim mentality, many professional coaches do not undermine the capabilities of the brain and the heart to grow beyond what’s expected of them. No matter how ingrained into one’s habits, gaining confidence and taking control of your life can be done.

1. Commit to changing your mindset and to cooperate in every way possible to take control of your life. Write down situations and circumstances which you put blame on others. This is the most difficult to do as you will confront your own psyche but when done with great care, you can finally move a few steps further in discovering your true worth.

2. Acknowledge that these situations are done by or in part by you. Without a doubt, there are also enablers out there who will pester on your shortcomings. While pity and compassion are welcoming, they can also hinder your ability to take full responsibility of your actions. Recognize these circumstances. List them down.

3. Consider acknowledging past hurt that continue to weigh you down. The victim mentality sometimes emanates from abuse and accumulated emotional pains. Accept them as part of your past. Learn to forgive and break free from your self-imposed chains. A good coach will help you get through this. For instances of abuse, a therapist’s guidance will make a lot of difference.

4. Start on a clean slate and bask in the essence of gratitude. Rather than focusing on old stories and what you do not have, concentrate on hope that each day brings. Pause and learn to channel positive energy by assessing the positive outcomes of your past hurts. Focus on the positive. Focus on building your confidence.

Breaking into the victim mentality pattern can be a tough nut to break. Take small mincing steps in doing so. Build up your confidence level. Let it reshape your thoughts and actions. With persistence and patience, you can finally break free and enjoy astounding opportunities to your business, career or life in general.